My Anxieties about marriage and some questions about how to deal smartly during its difficult times had inspired me to find and read books about marriage.
Our parents take so much care in making us ready at every stage of life...so that when we face it, no matter wht is the result...their aim is always to make us ready to face any kind of adversity or opportunity with confidence. They teach us how to believe in ourselves and our gut feelings.
But when it comes to marriage or tips and tricks of how to deal with the new relationship and commitment, many of the parents don’t do their homework by telling it in detail about what they have learned over the period of years of courtship. They feel its not necessary to talk about it and the only responsibility what they would like to fulfil is making the girl learn how to cook...or if they are the parents of a boy...utmost the thing what they would like to do is...motivate and push their son to have a great bank balance and a house or an apartment.
Some kind of pre-marriage counselling should be done by the parents to guide them into the future responsibilities. I asked my parents...they dint speak much about it...so i decided to go ahead and find my own way...the usual way which i choose is guidance by books..i got one and this post is all about what i have read and understood from that book.
Disclaimer And Caution:- The below written lines are no bhramaastra and some kind of be all end all kind of solutions...i have read the book THE 24 X 7 MARRIAGE by Mr.Vijay Nagaswami...and i could relate to it. So, i am sharing it. Please read it in detail and if you feel you have gained even one thing from it. Please leave ur comments.
The new face of Indian marriage and the way it functions.
Whether you fall in love and get married or whether love comes to you after the wedding, it is the way you work on your marriage that determines how successful it will be.
The new Indian marriage is not just like the way the marriage of our parents used to function. Today’s marriage have a lot of demands from both the genders. Unlike our parents..the couples of these times work hard and party harder, financially independent and had grown in an environment where they had the liberty of thought and its execution. So how do u define the face of new Indian marriage.
The New Indian Marriage
Focuses on emotional fulfilment for both partners, and not merely procreation or recreation.
1. Is owned by both partners in the marriage and not by anyone else.
2. Recognises 2 sets of personal spaces (“I” Space) in a marriage, but pays due attention to the marriage space (“We” Space) as well.
3. Appreciates that fights, issues and conflicts are inevitable when two individuals engage in a close and intense relationship
4. Uses rational processes to manage these fights, issues and conflicts
5. Employs a zero tolerance policy towards abuse-whether physical, verbal, sexual or emotional.
6. Pays adequate attention to the experience and expression of sexual and emotional intimacy
7. Works towards transparent and honest communication styles
8. Does not hesitate to seek professional help when things get sticky between the partners or they find it hard to find the solutions to their issues.
9. Understands that divorce is a legitimate option (is the marriage does not work despite the best efforts of both partners), but only the final one.
1 comment:
I am almost tempted to read the book, thanx to your wonderful summation of marriage. I agree to all of that, yet i feel its not all that complicated. I think there are several things-good and bad, you will discover about each other within one year of your marriage. If you can surpass those discoveries by handling them in a very subtle manner, I think you have won half the battle. I love my husband more with every passing year. Only because we scraped through our first year. So my advice is - love each other, respect each other, help each other in domestic chores, don't expect any changes in your partner, don't lay down rules and conditions, Keep your ego aside, Dont anticipate a response and then get upset coz she didnt respond the expected way, share laughs with each other, go out on long drives, make a pact - never let an argument spill over to the next day. Scrape thro' the first year and you will be one happily married couple- i promise you !
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